Part of the human experience is reconciling our behaviors with our beliefs/value systems. I often hear clients express frustration over the difficulty of not doing something they know would be helpful or that they “should” be doing. Unfortunately information is different than transformation and it takes more than “knowing” to help our behaviors stay in line with what we actually want and need in the long term. If we can identify our specific barriers, we have more power to recognize those hurdles when they show up and make different choices.
Here are 5 potential barriers to DOING better when we KNOW better:
Immediate vs. delayed gratification: Most of us like an immediate reward. We want what we want and we want it now. Unfortunately while this may lead to short term pleasure, it’s often laden with consequences.
Habits: We are creatures of habit. It’s our human nature to come back to a state of homeostasis. It’s more comfortable to stay in familiarity rather than experience the resistance that accompanies change.
Emotions: Our emotions can pop themselves right in the driver’s seat of our behavior. Feeling sad? Sadness might tell us the fastest way out of that pain is to binge eat, look at pornography, or watch mindless T.V. Feeling overwhelmed? Overwhelm might say “Just give up on becoming a better version of yourself and numb out on social media.” These solutions might temper the pain of the emotion but they don’t actually contribute to long term healing.
Lack of Time (perceived or real)/Lack of Support: Sometimes there really aren’t enough hours in the day to prioritize everything that we’d like to do. It’s often the case that it simply isn’t possible to do the things you know you “should” be doing based on very real physical limitations.
Fear of Failure: It’s incredibly common to stop before we even start based on concerns that we might fail or that others will see us fail. We might also have thoughts like “What’s the point?” Or “If I can’t guarantee the specific outcome, why try?” If we can practice compassion for making mistakes and separate our behaviors from who we are as people, it may feel more possible to engage in those “better” behaviors.
There are MANY more barriers that can prevent us from DOING better when we KNOW better. Others include: addiction, physical health challenges, grief/loss, emotional health challenges, negative self beliefs, all-or-nothing thinking, just to name a few! If you are struggling to align your behaviors with your values, one of our therapists may be able to help! We know that with the right support becoming the best versions of ourselves is possible.
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