The reality that you have been the victim of your husband's behaviors, and you now have massive injuries to heal from is beyond unfair. As in, the kind of unfair that we don't actually have words for. I hate that reality. I really, really do. He has (or "had") the problem and he understandably should be the one to find the solution and figure out how to heal in a way that ensures this never happens again.

You might tell yourself, "If he gets better, then I will be better." Because him "not being better" resulted in him violating your marriage and more. But the truth that we see time and time again is that those wounds, your wounds, still require individual attention, care and healing.

The hopeful part of this is that your healing isn't fully dependent on him. Whether he is doing the work to take full accountability, showing up with humility and truly changing or not doesn't actually get to dictate whether or not you get to find the healing that you need. I have seen so many women in so many different circumstances move through Deceptive Sexuality Trauma and somehow become more resilient on the other side. Their strength amazes me. Your strength amazes me. You are fighting the hardest battle and from the bottom of my heart, I do not want you to have to fight this battle alone.

Even when the situation is similar, sometimes women report very different experiences in the aftermath of betrayal. Some women experience intense flashbacks and triggers, others experience avoidance, mood swings or hypervigilance. Some women have shared that with their entire world being shattered, their sense of self, their self worth, self-trust, and self-concept have shattered right along with it. Some women experience ALL of the above. It's awful. It can be so hard to find the light in these darkest of realities. All of these, and other, experiences are normal considering the circumstances. The emotions and defenses that come with this are also normal and to be expected. AND. Even if this is your "new normal" for now, it doesn't have to stay that way. There is hope for healing. There is a path forward, even in the sea of choices that you never wanted to choose from. I know after over ten years of doing this work, that healing is possible. You can move from darkness to light. 

Disclaimer

Before working with me, you should know that I rely heavily on the work of Dr. Omar Minwalla in my teaching and coaching. I have found his work to be a critical part of understanding the impact and the injuries. Because of my background as a Deceptive Sexuality Trauma therapist, I will educate and name the realities of integrity abuse, compulsive and/or entitled sexual behaviors. I want to make sure I'm naming this part now so you have an idea of what this looks like inside the program. 

I am a firm believer that truth heals. My hope throughout our time together is that you will be inundated with truth. Truth about the trauma, yes, but also truth about who you really are: a person of infinite worth and value who is worthy of love, belonging, safety. ALL THE THINGS. 

I also want to be so clear that while I am a licensed therapist in the state of Nevada, I am showing up in a capacity as a coach and participation in this program does not create a therapeutic relationship. I also want to name that I absolutely love and value my clinical work. I've created this program however, because the therapy container is typically set up with 1x 50 minute sessions weekly and I have just found that many women who I have worked over the years, while they are absolute warriors, need someone more fully immersed in the daily battles. That's part of what I want to support you in as a coach. 

If that all sounds like a good fit, here's a bit more about how the program is structured.